KCNA isn't just the official news organ of the DPRK. They're the only North Korean news agency, which gives them a monopoly on what they release. But because KCNA was explicitly formed to promote the ideology of the DPRK and to downplay bad news about North Korea, they've limited themselves to a really specific set of topics to write stories about. Basically, a KCNA story probably does one of five things:
- Promote the cultural, scientific and industrial achievements of the DPRK
- Publicize diplomatic contacts between the DPRK and DPRK-friendly nations
- Recount international news items in a way that promotes the Juche ideology
- Condemn the US, Japan, or South Korea
- Celebrate Kim Jong-il and Kim Il-sung
The fact that the KCNA's releases are written solely to meet these objectives isn't funny in and of itself. What's funny is how they write their stories, given the practical limitations they're working under. They don't have access to primary sources for international news, so they're limited to secondhand reporting and press releases. They lack a native understanding of the English language, so everything is written in a bizarre idiolect: Their sentences are the wrong length. KCNA writers don't understand the stylistic nuances between near-synonyms, so even the best written releases seem slightly off. Their writers reuse the same baroque, inappropriate words over and over, so the releases are bombastic but dull. And political arguments are written using recursive logic or no logic at all.
KCNA news releases have a weirdly strident small town tone. kind of like a retirement community that’s also a cult community. This is almost inevitable. It’s like they were surrounded by a set of limitations that backed them into the corner of unintentional hilarity. Allow me to share with you the wonder of news releases from the most secretive country on the planet:
KCNA needs to promote the economic and industrial achievements of the DPRK, except their economy is virtually static. North Korea has a self-imposed closed trade economy, almost no economic growth, and they've devoted virtually all of their scientific resources towards defense. This means economic and cultural puff pieces in the KCNA have more in common with a small-town newspaper than the sole news outlet for a country with 23 million people:
September 27 Chicken Factory
Pyongyang, September 11 (KCNA)-- Soldier-builders have recently built the September 27 Chicken Factory, a modern poultry base, at the foot of a hill in Ryokpho district, Pyongyang, in less than one year. Breeding, fattening and egg-laying pens have occupied a vast area in well-defined framework. Many-storeyed hen-coops are well ventilated.
...Leader Kim Jong Il gave on-site guidance to the factory on September 5 and said it was good that solider-builders have built a fine hygienic and cultural environment to suit the features of the factory, paying deep attention to environmental adjustment. He called upon all chicken factories to follow the model to spruce up factory compound.
Kimchi, Korean vegetable food
Pyongyang, May 10 (KCNA) -- Kimchi (pickled vegetables) is one of the staple foods of the Korean people. As for its taste the foreigners' memory of that is of literally hot stuff. The ingredients are cabbage, radishes plus hot red peppers, garlic, spring onion, fruit, fish, pickled dishes and other seasonings. As a food beneficial to health, it is a source of vitamin c and inorganic substances from winter to early spring.
Inorganic components contained in it, such as sodium, potassium, calcium, magnesium, phosphorus and iron, increase appetite particularly when it is eaten with boiled rice, meat and fish. It is also loaded with animal and vegetable nutritive elements. Kimchi has a long history. Its pickling methods developed in the period of Ri dynasty (1392-early 20th century)...At present Kimchi is mass-produced by factories built in every district in Pyongyang and other major cities.
Rock Murals in Neolithic Era, Heritage of National Culture
Pyongyang, March 11 (KCNA) -- There are rock murals belonging to the Neolithic era among the national cultural heritages of Korea.
They are various pictures engraved on rocks.
Most of the rock mural (three meters wide and over 1 meter high) in Jicho-ri, Musan County, North Hamgyong Province depicts tangled patterns like coiled snakes.
Rock murals have been discovered in other places. They reflect various geometric patterns including tangled and fretted patterns as well as deer and tigers.
Carved in rock murals are human faces and animals trapped in a net and a fence.
The tangled and fretted patterns are similar with those engraved on earthenware belonging to the Neolithic era. They are construed as line-engraving pictures carved by ancient Koreans in the Neolithic era.
The rock murals give a glimpse of artistic sense and delineation method of Korean ancestors in the Neolithic era.
Today the rock murals belonging to the Neolithic era are preserved and taken care of as precious cultural heritages in the DPRK.
Those are oddly similar to the "plastics and you" sort of educational videos produced in the US during the 50s-70s.
KCNA wants to show that they have good diplomatic relations, but they don't, so the only things they publicize are "greetings" and "gift exchanges" with globally insignificant nations:
Greetings to President of Uganda
Pyongyang, January 25 (KCNA)-- Kim Yong Nam, president of the Presidium of the Supreme People's Assembly of the DPRK, on Jan. 22 sent a message of greetings to Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, President of Uganda, on the occasion of the anniversary of victory in the Uganda National Resistance Movement.
Saying that after the victorious movement the government and people of Uganda have achieved stability and peace of the country and made a great success in the work for its socio-economic development, the message expressed belief that the good relations of friendship and cooperation between the two countries would grow stronger in the interests of the two peoples in the future.
Korean People's Cause Supported in Democratic Congo
Pyongyang, February 18 (KCNA) -- The Korean people single-mindedly united around Kim Jong Il will build a great prosperous powerful socialist nation in the near future under his Songun leadership. Otete Gaston Mboyo, chairman of the National Committee of the Genuine Lumumbist Patriotic Party of Democratic Congo, said this in a statement on February 11 on the occasion of the birthday of Kim Jong Il.
KCNA needs to condemn the enemies of the DPRK, but they use such consistently extravagant language that it's virtually impossible to take them seriously:
U.S. Blasted for Moves to Provoke War against DPRK
Pyongyang, January 25 (KCNA) -- The madcap military exercises staged by the U.S. imperialist aggression troops in south Korea almost every day are an indication of the military scheme to preempt an attack on the DPRK any moment as they are all a preliminary war to examine and round off the practicability of the carefully worked out anti-DPRK war scenarios.
CNA Brands Lee Myung Bak as Die-Hard Pro-Japanese Lackey
Pyongyang, January 19 (KCNA) -- Lee Myung Bak is not qualified to claim to be a Korean as he refrained from uttering even a single word about the Tok Islet issue when meeting Japanese Prime Minister Aso during the latter's junket to south Korea.
Tok Islet is part of the inalienable territory of Korea and the issue of the islet is a crucial matter of whether the Korean nation protects its sovereignty and dignity and its territorial integrity or not. Japan has become all the more arrogant recently, giving its eye-teeth for the islet. This has aroused deep concern among all Koreans.
But Lee Myung Bak who claims to be "president" of south Korea failed to mention even a single word about the islet before the Japanese prime minister who openly threatened to seize part of the territory of Korea. Lee is not in a position to claim to be a Korean, to say nothing of being "president".
U.S.-led joint maneuvers flailed
Pyongyang, July 17 (KCNA) -- The main purpose of the U.S.-led "Rimpac-2002" joint maneuvers is carrying out attacks on "imaginary states" under the new "operation against terrorism", Minju Joson wednesday says in a signed commentary, and goes on: The U.S. President Bush's "strategy" will be announced in this autumn. It is based on his argument that if they wait until the enemy's threat is ripe, it would be too late, so it is necessary to contain it to avoid the worst one.
The "imaginary states" in question mean those countries hostile to the U.S.
The U.S. singles out the DPRK as one of the states. The army and people of Korea are fully ready to cope with any emergency.
The U.S. bellicose forces should clearly know that their reckless "preemptive attack" strategy would bring them the destiny of tigermoth.
The only time they comment on events that involve their enemies are situations in which the events were so important that the KCNA had to issue a comment. These are written with such an uncharacterist lack of vitriol towards the United States that you can tell they wrote these even though they really, really didn't want to:
DPRK stance towards terrorist attacks on U.S.
Pyongyang, September 12 (KCNA) -- A spokesman for the DPRK Foreign Ministry today answered the question put by KCNA as regards the large-scale terrorist attacks on the United States. He said:
Terrorists' large-scale attacks made on the U.S. by blowing themselves up in planes on Tuesday have caught the international community by great surprise.
The very regretful and tragic incident reminds it once again of the gravity of terrorism.
As a UN member the DPRK is opposed to all forms of terrorism and whatever support to it and this stance will remain unchanged.
The DPRK approaches the incident from this point of view.
Barack Obama Takes Office as U.S. President
Pyongyang, January 21 (KCNA) -- Barack Obama took office as the 44th president of the United States on Jan. 20.
The inauguration ceremony was held at the Capitol building that day.
He made an inaugural address there.
It's when we get into the articles that idolize party leaders that it gets really good. The KCNA uses such florid turns of phrase when describing Kim Jong Il and Kim Il Sung that I swear to god they've learned their English from a Victorian primer.
Badge bearing Portrait of Kim Il Sung
Pyongyang, October 27 (KCNA) -- The Korean people deeply revere the President Kim Il Sung as the eternal leader of the revolution.
This is clearly proved by the fact that all of them always have badges bearing the President's Portrait pinned on their chests with care even though five years have passed since his demise.
This is an expression of their strong admiration for his greatness and immortal exploits and a symbol of their unbreakable unity.
In the run-up to the fifth congress of the Worker's Party of Korea in November 1970, General Secretary Kim Jong Il proposed to make and confer the badge bearing the President's Portrait, which reflects the unanimous desire of the Korean people, to its delegates. He made sure that the preparatory committee for the congress undertook this work.
When the first badge was made, Kim Jong Il had it on his chest before any others.
At that time he said that one should have the badge on his heart, not on the right side of his chest.
Badges thus produced were awarded to the delegates to the congress before its opening.
The Korean people have since worn the badges on their chests, regarding it as their greatest pride and happiness to do so.
President Kim Il Sung always lives in the hearts of the Korean people as he represents their idea, faith, destiny and future.
That is why people unhesitatingly dedicate even their lives to protecting the badge from any danger.
There are many examples showing how people protected badges bearing the President's Portrait from fire and water.
In March last year 17 soldiers of the Korean People's Army died heroic deaths while protecting slogan bearing trees from an unexpected forest fire in a revolutionary site.
They became heroes of the republic. In November of the same year 3 fishermen and 12 soldiers who had been adrift in the stormy sea because of an engine trouble kept the badges safe before meeting deaths. The title of the hero of the republic was posthumously awarded to them.
This shows the unshakable will of the Korean people to devotedly General Secretary Kim Jong Il, who is just like President Kim Il Sung.
Kim Jong Il Provides Field Guidance to Power Station
Pyongyang, January 31 (KCNA) -- General Secretary Kim Jong Il provided field guidance to Ryesonggang Youth Power Station No. 1 which was newly built and commissioned in October last year.
He mounted an observation platform where he enjoyed a bird's-eye view of the power station and acquainted himself in detail with its construction and electricity production.
A world-startling gigantic power station has appeared in this place where only the sound of the flowing water of the River Ryesong could be heard just a few years ago, he said, adding that this eye-opening change clearly showed the inexhaustible mental power and the might of creative ingenuity of the Korean people firmly armed with the Juche idea.
The power station has been built ideally in all aspects ranging from its designing to its construction as required by technological engineering, he said, stressing that this power station is, indeed, a wonderful structure to be proud of as it meets all requirements of the new century.
After being briefed on the power station before a huge painting showing a panoramic view of the station, he went round a generator room and an electricity distribution room.
Noting that the country is prospering thanks to the do-or-die spirit of the Korean people ready to flatten even a mountain and empty even a sea at one go when called for by the Party and the might of the single-minded unity stronger than any weapon, he stressed that the Korean people will certainly fly the red flag of the victory on the eminence of a great prosperous powerful nation thanks to this inexhaustible mental power.
Kim Jong Il's Popular Traits Lauded in Italy
Pyongyang, February 27 (KCNA) -- Miriam Pelegrini Feri, president of the Group of Dialectical Materialists of Italy, released a statement titled "Leader Kim Jong Il devoting his all to the people" on Feb. 17 on the occasion of Kim Jong Il's birthday.
Saying that Kim Jong Il, general secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, is the leader of the people as he dedicates all his life to them, the statement stressed that he always attaches top priority to the people's interests and shares bitters and sweets with the people, finding himself among them.
He has visited every nook and corner of the country, including factories and farms, without having rest even in red-letter days and holidays to improve the standard of people's living while indicating the orientation and ways to bring about a productive surge in all fields of the national economy, the statement noted.
It recalled that he formulated as the three charters for Korea's reunification the three principles of national reunification, the 10-point programme of the great unity of the whole nation and the proposal for founding the Democratic Federal Republic of Koryo advanced by President Kim Il Sung and that the historic June 15 North-South Joint Declaration and the October 4 declaration were adopted thanks to his experienced and tested leadership.
And every once in a while they come up with something that just takes your breath away. This next piece is one of the most bizarre, amazing, and weirdly touching things I’ve ever read.
Souvenir Picture Which Was Not Taken
Pyongyang, May 26 (KCNA) -- The car carrying General Secretary Kim Jong Il was running a sightseeing road of Mt. Kuwol on May 1, Juche 86 (1997).
The road under construction was yet far short of completion. Not minding this, however, he did not take his eyes off a car window as if he was fathoming the troubles of the soldier builders.
He got off the car near the fork of the road in the mid-slope of the mountain and met commanding officers of a unit of the Korean People's Army engaged in the building of the holiday resort of Mt. Kuwol and highly appreciated the painstaking work of the soldier builders. He earnestly told them to spruce up the mountain to provide the people with a better resort of cultural recreation, true to the behest of President Kim Il Sung.
He went round a number of construction sites through the sightseeing road built by soldiers and spread before them a far-reaching blueprint to turn the mountain into a splendid resort of cultural recreation for the people.
The sun of May Day began to sink unnoticed.
Out of the ardent desire to provide him a happy time, if but for a moment, officials earnestly asked him to have a picture taken with them against the background of the picturesque scenery of the mountain.
He smiled a generous smile of understanding and said that was not a good idea when the resort was in the thick of construction and he would come again after the completion of the project and have a souvenir picture taken.
The officials were choked with emotion at his words full of warm love for the toiling soldier builders whom he thought before anyone else.
The story about the souvenir picture which was not taken will go down long to the posterity as a legend of the leader's love for the KPA soldiers along with Mt. Kuwol, a famous mountain of the people.
1 comments:
The madcap military exercises staged by the U.S. imperialist aggression troops in south Korea
I knew Obama's decision to have troops practice maneuvers to Yakety Sax would have repercussions!
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